Happy New Year!!!

This year has been a funny one! A few ups, and a few downs! But non the less, some great results!

Nearing the end of this year in November, Doctors finally took me seriously, I was rushed in after my holiday to Egypt, after being in awful pain for the whole second week, and being sick! Not to mention having my head in a bag during a 5 hour flight!!

I'm now waiting for my Laparoscopy on the 6th January! Hopefully this will determine whats going on inside to cause whats going on!!

I'm hoping it goes well and i recover quickly! I cannot wait to get back to work!

I've also had a fantastic year! Found out who my true friends are, and met the most amazing man! He has made me very happy!

I'm hoping next year well be filled with lots of answers to my illness, and that my happiness continues!

I hope everyone has a fantastic new year!!

All the best!

What a christmas!!!!

So I was expecting Christmas to be .... well just O.K, you know the usual, presents, food and shit T.V.

Was I right? Of course not, I'm never right! IT WAS AMAZING!!!

Besides the acheyness and the awful pain in the evening, I had such an amazing day!

So many presents! I got so many wizaard of oz gifts long with a picture signed by the cast!

A gorgeous Boux dressing gown and slippers, perfume smellys, a Kindle from my gorgeous boyfriend and much more!

And then the last gift was given. Before I tell the story I will say a few months ago, I was told that I was going to Lanzarote for two weeks! Mega excited! And Louis and Elise was told we were going to Devon. Not so excited.

BUT.... Dad and Nicki, told Me, Louis nd elise to sit in a line, and we were all handed an envoplope each.

I was asked to open mine first whick said 'You do not deserve to go to Lanzrote'.

Louis was then asked to open his which read ' you do not deserve to go to Devon'.

Then elise was asked to open hers which then said 'But you deserve to go to..........'

Elise was then asked to open a fourth envolope which read 'DISNEY LAND FLORIDA'

Elise was screaming, while Me and Louis turnt to each other and said 'HUH??'

We was so confused we had no idea what just happened!

I ended up blurting out 'Oh i was rather looking forward to Lanzarote', till a few hours later it kicked in and I could have screamed the house down I was so happy!!

So this had to be one of the greatest Christmas's in quite a while!!

I hope you all had  magical day, and I wish you all a Healthy, wealthy, happy and successful new year!!

Christmas time, tramadol and unfotunatly no wine!

So I haven't posted in a blog in quite a while! I don't think Iv'e been on planet earth!!

I'm really looking forward to christmas this year, and my birthday thats only two days before! I'm just slightly worried about everything going on inside me! I'm trying to rest up as much as I can so I have a really fantastic christmas period!

But with the build up towards christmas, i've not had the best time! I've seen my doctor god knows how many times! Ans been prescribed so many drugs! I am now taking, Tramadol, Naproxin, Codeine, Ibuprofen and paracetomal.

Needless to say, it doesn't touch me!

But to add to the stress of things, I can't sleep, and when I do, im having really awful nightmares! There so terrifying! I had to go back to my GP to talk about it! So he gave me three options.

Another Pain killer, An anti depressant called Amitriptyline or Morphine! I choose the anti depressent because my GP explained a low dose would help me sleep and control my night mares!

I've been on it four four nights now, and I willl say it hasn't touched me! I've done a lot of research on the drug, and learnt and been told that they have felt relaxed or been knocked out by the drug and always feeling drowsy. Iv'e not had anything, But i've decidd to try it over christmas as it may get better and my body may get used to it!

If not ill be back to my GP as our last option is Morphine, But finger crossed this works for me!!

I hope every one has a brilliant christmas and new year!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Is Everything Starting To Look up?

Recently my Dad and his partner have been really tough on me, telling me I need to ring the hospital everyday to try and get my surgery ASAP!! My Dad has helped me, ringing them too!

Today I rang, and was so upset, exhausted and in pain I just cried down the phone to the receptionist, begging her to give me surgery ASAP, as I can not stand the pain anymore. She listened to me, and took me seriously, and I am now going into surgery on the 6th January 2012 at 7.30am!

But now i need to try my hardest to get an appointment with my Doctor TODAY!! I need this pain to go away, and the painkillers and TENS machine don''t even touch it! I need help with this pain, i just want a good nights sleep, and to be able to go to work, and not cripple over in pain, being a complete burden on everyone else!!

And It's not just the pain, It's going to the toilet! I'm terrified to go! Weeing and pooing hurt, Pooing is the worst (I won't give you the details, it's pretty disgusting!). And not to mention the most vile metallic taste in my mouth!! 

Hopefully I can get an appointment today, if not, i'm just going to A&E, I need to stop thinking of others and put myself first now! I can't carry on like this!

So bring on the Doctors today, please fix this pain, and bring on surgery in January! Please let things look up now!!

My Heart Ache!

On monday I went back to work for the first time for quite a few weeks!

I really love my job so I'm glad I went back, but my God did it killed me!! Today was suppose to be my thrid day back, but there was no chance I could go in!

For the past two weeks, I've been having a metallic taste in my moouth which is so disgusting, and recently the pain has been getting really bad again, resulting in me having to use my crutch more often, (and i don't really want to)! 

But the thing that's worrying me the most is, I keep getting bad chest pains, where it makes me bolt up straight, panicking, and I don't no what to do!! These are not new! I've told my Doctor, and the hospital, had many ECG'S and heart monitors attached to me, but everything seems to be fine. But they do really hurt.

But since this lovely taste in my mouth is so new, and the chest pains are getting worse, I think It's time to take another trip to the Doctors!

Maybe this time they can do something, and even though theres no stronger pain killers, hopefully they can give me something!

My life is on hold for the moment, It's so boring, and I want to be back to being 21!! Not 70! It's so starnge when you are fine, and the next day everything is spirraling downwards!!

BUT, once you have reached the bottom there is only one way back, and thats up!!

So fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed! Lets get me back to being fit and healthy!!!!

Sleepless Nights Not In Seattle!!

For so many weeks now I've not been able to sleep at night! And the one and only thing I wanted to do while I was off work doing sod all, was keep my body clock the exact same! Well ... That's gone out the window!

I have no idea why I can't sleep. I am the girl who can sleep for britain! Why has it suddenly decided to change?!?!?!?!?! I quite like sleeping thank you Mrs body clock, and not being awake at a ridiculous hour, with NOTHING to do!

It's so tediously boring just so you know, and the worse thing is, I'M SHATTERED! So why can't I sleep, I't honestly does not make any sense at all!! Mrs body clock, please and most kindly ..... FIX IT!

I've tried all the tricks in the book, Horlix, sleeping pills, a nice bath and relaxing down in the evening, keeping my self extra busy in the day so I tire myself out. But nope, Nothing!

So now, I am awake at 2.10AM on a saturday night/morning, writing my Blog. Would be more expected if I said I was out on the town getting s**t faced, but that won't be happening any time soon!

Maybe I'll just go back to bed and stare at the ceiling for a few more hours? I'd even say I'd read my book (Wicked) but i just plain and simply don't want to! Reason being, I'm a moody b***h!

But do you no what I hate the most, people saying,

'Why don't you just try'!

Oh really, why dont I just try??? Can you not think of anything better to say? Has it not crossed your mind that I have been trying for the past 4 hours?? I CAN NOT SLEEP!! And yes there is no such word as can't blah blah blah, But no I really can't, if I could I would have been zonked out ages ago!!! 

So now after my little rant, I'm still not tired, So maybe I'll do some house work, look online for Christmas presents, watch ANOTHER dvd, (Did I mention i got through series 1 of Gavin and stacey in one night, sad Isn't it?) But whatever i do, lets hope it makes me very very tired!!!!

RANT OVER!

 

One thing can turn everything around

Just a short post to announce todays happiness,

Today i had a visit from one of my best friends! Shes had tougher then me, but it was so lovely to have a good catch up with her talk about old times and new.

I'm so excited that she is getting married to one of the most amazing guys on the planet.

And i am so happy to say that she has asked me to be maid of honour!

For atleast 5 minutes i completely forget everything, and was so blissfully happy!!

I cannot waait for the big day, and yes i will be in charge of organising the hen night!!

This wedding is going to be 10 times better then kate and wills!!

And i have to say, it's pretty amazing how one thing can turn everything around :)

YOU FORGOT TOO WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Today has been one of the most stressful days of my life so far!

I arrived for my appointment at the gynocology appointment, and for once i was seen early .... Good start right? Wrong! Everything just went tits up!! I saw my normal gyno, and i won't lie she is amazing! One of the only doctors who take me seriously, so im guess your wondering why im moaning?

On the 11th november i was admitted into hospital as i had excruciating pains, i was kept in for one week, and was told they suspect i have Endomitriosis aswell as PCOS. And was told i needed a lapraoscopy as soon as possible and they would write to me in the next week!

Did my gyno know any of this?? Of course not. Not only did they not write in my notes about my stay in the hospital, they also didn't add me to the list for surgery!

Not only was i heartbroken and utterly devastated, i felt so let down! And by the people who say they would take care of me the most!

Thankfully my parents have a back bone! I am a really strong lady, but recently everything has got me down, and i am so overwhelmed by everything, i just never know what to say!

My dad went ballistic, and i got very emotional and couldn't control my tears, he came across very strong and determmined, i was very proud of him. He said he has written a complaint for the hospitals incompetence, and he will be sending it to the NHS complaint department, the local MP, and the health minister in Downing Street!

I could feel no emotions, i was numb! My gyno added me to the urgent list, and i had all my tests done to make sure i am fit for surgery!

I'm really hoping nothing else happens, I've had enough of being fobbed off and taken for granted! Not only is it really upsetting me, my body cant handle it!

I've lost a stone and a half in 2 weeks, and i have no appetite, i am not eating so i have been put on complan shakes so i still get all my nutrients for the day! It is heart breaking.

I just hope every one else can lern from this. And i hope if you ever go to your doctors or the hospital, you make sure you pester them untill they do what there suppose to! Do not think yu are being a burden because you are not!! They just won't bother other wise!

Unfortunatly i learnt the hard way!

Good luck to you all!!!

Don't forget your Friends and Family

While going through the hardness and loneliness of PCOS and Endometriosis, I have learnt that it is so important not to forget who have stood by me every single day and night!

Of course there are days when all i want to do is be on my own, and they understand that thankfully, but some people don't understand quite so much, luckily i don't have that problem!

During my worst times i started to find out who my true friends were, and luckily for me so many people cared for me then i thought they did, i received so many e-mails, texts, cards and flowers, completely unexpected! 

I can happily say i have been so lucky, a lot more lucky then some unfortunate people who have had to deal with illnesses and certain circumstances alone! 

My friends, family and boyfriend have been the ones who have kept me going, if it wasn't for them i would be a complete mess every day and night! With almost perfect advice and amazing cuddles that are much needed, I feel a lot happier, of course the pain is still there, but when everyone makes me happy it just goes.

It goes to show pain really is in the mind! And if you learn to control it you really will be laughing *with the help of a few painkillers of course!* 

Over the past couple of months of suffering, i have learnt everything right now is not all about me! Everyone has there problems and no one can put there lives on hold just for me! What i have learnt through this is helping as many people with there problems has taken my mind off of mine!! And at the same time makes me feel like i have done a good deed!

So i thought i would write this post for my friends and family who have been there for me, and a thank you is certainly not enough! I have no idea on how to give thanks for the kindness and time they have given me! But i can say i love you, and appreciate everything! 

 

This is only going to be a short post!


For the past couple of days i've been crying non stop! 


Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Before Bed, When i wake up, I'm sure you've got the point!


I was really down in the dumps, and things were really starting to get out of hand, i didn't want to talk to nobody and stay in my room alone. Worst thing to do!


Enough was enough, mum dragged me out and said thats its were going shopping, i was in a lot of pain and to add to it all i had come on my period! She tried her best to cheer me up! Then out of the blue i decided i wanted to get my hair cut! 


That was one of the main things that was depressing me so much! It has been falling out, there was hair all over the house, and i was so humiliated when people would pick up on it and mention how dirty it is to have hair every where!


So they chopped it all off!! And do you know what? I'm so glad they did, i love it! It's like the Victoria Beckham bob! I didn't think it was going to suit me! But hurray! IT DOES!!


I honestly feel a million quid! So i suggest to any of you who are feeling low, do something different today, it doesn't have to cost anything, just something different from your normal routine! You won't believe how great it makes you feel! 


I'm definitely going to do something different every time i feel low!


Also don't forget all the choccy!! Yum yum!! We know all ladies need that when PMS decides to turn up at your door step!!

I Want to Be Back To Normal

Do you ever have them days when you feel so alone, yet your surrounded by people?

I feel like that today.

Right now i feel like i cant speak to anybody, so i'll have to write.

It's completely out of character for me to be in a depressed state of mind, im normally cheerful, smiling and laughing at anything and everything, but today is different.

YES! I know there's a million and one people who have things ten time worse then i do, but right now im the one dealing with this, and as it's so new, it's hard to grip it by the horns and direct it to where i want to go!

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) aswell as the millions of women in the UK, It's also suspected that i have Endomitriosis aswell, so my hormones are everywhere!

I always feel like nobody ever understands, even though they do and there trying to help me, i have just been blocking everybody out living in my own little nest, just me and my thoughts.

It's as if im driving myself crazy! I need to man up, stand up and say 'NO you will not defeat me, i am strong and i will deal with this!' It's just taking me a long time to get to that point!

I'm the kind of person who will support anybody through anything, i will fight there corner till they get to the top, i will do what i can for them to acheive! Why can't i do this for myself! Am i weak? Am i scared? I don't no! Even my Dad said to me the other day 'Amy, how comes you always make sure everyone gets the best, but you never do it for yourself?' He's right you know!

That comment has been swirling in my mind for days! And now i really feel i need to do something about the situation i'm in! I know im not alone there 2 million other sufferers in the country who are going through and most probably thinking the exact same thing as me!!

But for now i need to build up the courage and stand my ground, do what i can to stop this pain, to stop the crying, the screaming, the nightmares.

I want to be back to normal.

My Life Living With Chronic Pain

I'd like to share my story with you all. 

The pain started when i was just 16 years old, before hand i always had heavy, painful periods lasting over 8 days, and having to wear 2 or more sanitary towels at a time.

On a weekend of shopping, i wasn't feeling to brilliant but carried on with my shopping anyway, suddenly i had an unbearable pain in my bum, between my legs and lower back causing me to collapse in the middle of the store.

I was then taken into A&E where they done tests on me and told me i was pregnant, i was really confused as i was still a virgin! And then they went on to tell me it was a urine infection, (i have no idea how they got both of them mixed up) as i was waiting for my antibiotics i noticed two nurses pointing at me and laughing, this made me feel so awful, so i just left as i was so upset!

This pain started becoming more frequent, getting them every month, i went to my family GP who told me it was completely normal! So i just left it at that.

My periods started becoming even more heavier, resulting in me having days and days off of school as i could barely walk, because so much blood was coming out of me!

I kept having this awful pains, but i refused to go to the hospital because of the treatment i received last time i went. I suffered on my own for 5 years as know one would listen to me.

At the age of 21 everything suddenly became 100 times worse, the pain reached the point where i couldn't even move or walk, I ended up fainting in the shower, causing injuries to myself and my mum who thankfully caught me. I was rushed by ambulance to A&E where i was kept in the SAU over night, they thought my appendix had burst. I was terrified.

After a number of tests i was told once again it was only a urine infection. But i knew there was so much more to it! I was giving pain killers and antibiotics. These made me incredibly ill as my body was rejecting them because i DIDN'T have a urine infection.

I went back to my GP who rang the local hospital to ask for my tests results to be sent over so she could look at them herself. Turned out that they done no tests what so ever and just assumed i had a urine infection, myself, my doctor and family were so angry and upset. 

I was sent to see a gynecologist in july 2011 who diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), i felt relieved to have a diagnosis! I was put on metformin, which made all the symptoms ease, but there was still something wrong, i was still in a massive amount of pain!

I went back to my GP who changed the metformin to the slow release metformin, this made my symptoms better, but i was still in a lot of pain, i just gathered that it was completely normal.

The next 4 months i was in and out of A&E being told the same thing every time, 'I'm sorry we don't know what is wrong so we can't help you'. I was utterly devastated when i heard this, feeling i had to suffer for the rest of my life.

For a treat after a really tough year, my mum treated me to a holiday in Egypt, unfortunately for the whole of the second week i was bed bound, in a hell of a lot of pain, and vomiting and i couldn't deal with it. The flight home was a disaster, the whole flight i was in agony and had my head in a bag :(.

When i finally got home i had to call in sick to work as i was in agony, the pain had got worse, Instead of once a month it was happening every other day! I couldn't cope! On the 11th of november 2011 i was once again rushed into A&E i woke up a 5.30 AM in the most excruciating pain i have ever felt in my life, i could not move my body at all, i was seen straight away as they knew it was very serious, i was again taken to the SAU, were tests were done, i was then sent to the Frensham ward were i felt very safe and they looked after me very well. I was kept in for one week.

Finally action was taken, Doctors had said that my symptoms and pain could be Endometriosis, i had done my research on the disease, telling my GP and Gyno that it could possibly be this, but they choose not to listen, there the doctors so they know best!

I'm happy people are finally listening, and taking notice, i am now waiting for a laparoscopy to determine that it is Endomitrosis, i have been signed off work for a few months, and now walk with one crutch when the pain gets to much, my hair is fining and falling out, I'm so upset and angry i had to wait this long and suffer until i got noticed, My advice to ladies is to really fight your corner and make people listen! I wish i did! 


Please Ladies, If you have any gynecological pain, DO NOT be embarrassed, go to you family GP and make sure they listen to you! Don't get fobbed off like i did, it may not be as bad as you think! :) 

Good luck to you all

And God bless


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