I Want to Be Back To Normal

Do you ever have them days when you feel so alone, yet your surrounded by people?

I feel like that today.

Right now i feel like i cant speak to anybody, so i'll have to write.

It's completely out of character for me to be in a depressed state of mind, im normally cheerful, smiling and laughing at anything and everything, but today is different.

YES! I know there's a million and one people who have things ten time worse then i do, but right now im the one dealing with this, and as it's so new, it's hard to grip it by the horns and direct it to where i want to go!

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) aswell as the millions of women in the UK, It's also suspected that i have Endomitriosis aswell, so my hormones are everywhere!

I always feel like nobody ever understands, even though they do and there trying to help me, i have just been blocking everybody out living in my own little nest, just me and my thoughts.

It's as if im driving myself crazy! I need to man up, stand up and say 'NO you will not defeat me, i am strong and i will deal with this!' It's just taking me a long time to get to that point!

I'm the kind of person who will support anybody through anything, i will fight there corner till they get to the top, i will do what i can for them to acheive! Why can't i do this for myself! Am i weak? Am i scared? I don't no! Even my Dad said to me the other day 'Amy, how comes you always make sure everyone gets the best, but you never do it for yourself?' He's right you know!

That comment has been swirling in my mind for days! And now i really feel i need to do something about the situation i'm in! I know im not alone there 2 million other sufferers in the country who are going through and most probably thinking the exact same thing as me!!

But for now i need to build up the courage and stand my ground, do what i can to stop this pain, to stop the crying, the screaming, the nightmares.

I want to be back to normal.