UH OH

So I went back for my check up. And things have got worse again! NO FAIR!!

During the week I decided to start my singing up again, because of my health problems I had to stop for over  a year, Now was the time to carry on. I was feeling good and up loaded some videos on to youtube. www.youtube.com/kizzert123 I also started looking for bands, Hurrah, I had an audition on the monday.

On the way I started getting a twinging pain in my right side, it was gradually getting worse, but I just pushed through it. During my audition it started getting really painful, and for the whole hour I had to stand!

It was killing me, but I carried on, I done the best I could!

When I got home, I ate and went to bed, I was so physically exhausted that I fell straight to sleep!

At 1 am I woke up in the most unbearable pain, I was grabbing at anything, I wanted to scream, there wasnt anything I could do to stop it! It got all to much for me that I passed out!

When I woke up again, I was white as a ghost, and felt as if I was hungover!

My boyfriend drove me to my doctors and when I was seen, the first thing she said to me was 'God! You look awful!' Thanks love!

I spoke about the pains I had, and how everything had got worse since last time. She decided action needed to be taken and phoned the hospital, I have an emergency appointment very soon!

The pains since have still been bad, I've had days where I can barely stand because of it. Im on a constant rollercoaster. Always up and down!

Hopefully this gets sorted very soon!

But on the bright side, I've been accepted for ESA which is a benefit for people whos ilnesses effect there work. And i've also applied for a bus pass, I normally walk everywhere, but its become such a struggle!

But we shall see!!

Back to work and back to my future!

So after all the palava, I've been told i can return to work, YAY! My first day back went well ....... kind of!

I ket having little twinges throught out the day, then suddenly i had  massive shooting pain and i had to run to the toilet, i was bleeding alot, no fun at all!! For the rest of the day i was feeling awful! Finally went home, and went straight to bed, tummy pain and migraine isnt a good combination.

The next day i got up in a bad state, i felt poo. But i wsnt letting that stop me! I got ready and started walking to work, my journey is a bout an hour and i got half way, i suddenly felt really sick and shakey, i couldnt hold my self up, and i had to stop, ii rang my work and told them i culdnt make it.

I then rang my doctors and they agreed to see me straight away! I explained to my doctor what happened the previous day and that morning, she checked me out, and decided it was either gynae related OR bowel related, I was given a load of laxatives to clear me out, and i need to return on tuesday for a check up.

Nothing has improved, so we shall see what will happen when i return to my doctors!

They rang me!!!!!!

So the last time before I got all lovey dovey on you, I explained how I had to have examinations.

I was pretty nervous about ringing to get my results! BUT My doctor rang me!

I can not explain how scared I was, I did not know what to think! Every possible thing was racing through my mind!

I won't lie, I was panicking, They only ring you when they find something, I just wanted to break down!

My doctor explained what they had found nd how it effects the body, But it just went stright thrugh me i couldn't concentrate. 

It's called Haemolytic Strepococcus Group B (GBS)

Group B
S. agalactiae, or GBS, causes pneumonia and meningitis in neonates and the elderly, with occasional systemic bacteremia. They can also colonize the intestines and the female reproductive tract, increasing the risk for premature rupture of membranes and transmission to the infant. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, American Academy of Pediatrics and the Centers for Disease Control recommend all pregnant women between 35 and 37 weeks gestation should be tested for GBS. Women who test positive should be given prophylactic antibiotics during labor, which will usually prevent transmission to the infant.^[6] In the UK, clinicians have been slow to implement the same standards as the US, Australia and Canada. In the UK, only 1% of maternity units test for the presence of Group B Streptococcus.^[7] Although the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists issued risk-based guidelines in 2003 (due for review 2006), the implementation of these guidelines has been patchy. As a result, over 75 infants in the UK die each year of GBS-related disease, and another 600 or so suffer serious infection, most of which could be prevented;^[8] however, this is yet to be substantiated by randomized, controlled trial in the UK setting and, given the evidence for the efficacy of testing and treating from other countries, it may be that the large-scale trial necessary would receive neither funding nor ethics approval. 

It finally made sense to me why I became so ill, nd had so much pain. It pretty much effected every part of my body as it was left to grow!

I did feel very angry that it went on for so long, when I was asking my doctor to do these tests on me for over a year, but said I didnt need them! Again I know my own body!

I felt so frustrated that they didnt listen to me! But I can't complain as it's now being sorted. I'm on medication to sort it, and i can see and feel the good changes in my body!

Turns out I didn't need the surgery! But we got the result in the end!

Is it L.O.V.E?

Five months go today I met a man who would change my life for the better.

I first met him on a bridge outside a pub. Just from the first glance I knew he was the one!

                                                            Our First Date


Not only is he a boyfriend, but he is my best friend! He gets me!

We live far apart. Not to far, but far enough for me! Some times its hard, when all I want is to be in his arms, but I can't be! So the time we spend together is extra special!

I first told him I was unwell at the very start of the relationship, I really liked him, so I was scared how he would react! I've had previous relationships where men couldnt handle it, and would just leave me, normally with no explanation!

That hurt alot!

He's been so supportive while i've been unwell, in and out of the doctors, in hospital and before and after my surgery! 

I am so proud to call him mine! He doesn't ever judge me, and never lets go when I have to cry myself to sleep because of the pain!  

I don't feel embarrased when I have a bad day, if I just have to stay in bed, or my body decides to have a random bleed! He won't ever make a scene about it, or complain. He stays by my side till he knows im ok!

And the best thing ... He's changed me for the better. Before I met him I was miserable, grumpy and negative! He changed it around! He made me realise even though some days I cant do things I still have an amazing life, and I should appreciate what i've got!

He has made me so happy! Some days I do feel down, but one text or phone call from him, i'm smiley and giddy.

I still have the same feeling in my tummy as when I first met him!

I can honestly say, IT IS LOVE! 

I got the blues ....... continued

As I said yesterday, I was asked back to my doctors for internal exminations.

I arrived 2 minutes late, but luckily the doctor I was seeing was running late ...... As usual!

My name was called, and then the nerves kicked in. I suddenly remembered, I find internals extremely painful!

I sat down in the uncomfortable blue chair. Waiting for instructions to strip down and spread my legs .... Awkward!

And then the examinations began, a small like clamp was entered inside me, I wont lie I was in a lot of discomfort, it took  while for my GP to find my cervix, but it felt like hours! Unfortunatly it kept slipping out, so a bigger one had to be used, AND IT KILLED!!!!!!!!!! My GP took sample of my cervix (which has never been tested before!), a sample of my vaginal wall, and the main area. This seemed to take forever, and really hurt, but for once I didn't cry!! WooHoo! But finally it was over, I got dressed, and my legs were like jelly, I felt so weak and I still had to face the 1 hour walk home!

Me and my GP talked bout how I was handling the situation, and she was happy that i'm dealing ok! And we also talked about the on/off bleeding i've been having since my operation, she sid she was concerned as I am loosing alot of blood and is going to find out a way to stop my blood loss.

My GP explained that I had to ring friday for my results (but they may not be back till monday) But if there is something seriously wrong they will call me!

I won't lie, I am slightly nervous, It's been over a year and still have no diagnosis! So fingers crossed this is the last of all the tests, pain and worrying, I'm trying to think positive ....... BUT I doubt it!!

I got the blues

Today, I had to once again see my doctor as an emergancy. And not fun when I have no money so I have to walk an hour there and back!

So I went expecting to get some results! I saw my own GP Dr Franks whom I put all my faith in to! He is brilliant, but unfortunatly this time he just could not put his finger on the problem! But he did find no trace of an infection in my urine, but I did have a high tempature. No surprise there, It's been like that for a while!

He told me there was no way I'd be able to go back to work for a while as I was just to un fit! And he asked me to return the next day for internal examinations! This will be tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it! They hurt me so much!

Fingers crossed I get some results, or at least some progress! I am getting so fed up and really do have the blues!

But I am very happy that my scar has healed vvery nicely and you can hardly see it! So yippeeee that was very well done :)

Fingers crossed for no more PAIN!!!

Nightmares? Spooky!!!

For a while i was experiencing really awful nightmares, I went to my doctor and talked about it, I got it all off my chest.
I was prescribed some anti depressants, to help me sleep and control the nightmares slightly!
They did work for the night mares but they didnt work for the sleep.

Luckily for me, I got back into my old routine, sleeping at a considerable time, at the nightmares tamed down alot, they all just became really weird! So that was fine with me!

But last night, the worst happened! A nightmare returned! And it was nasty! And felt oh so real!

I was just waking up, and I found myself back in theatre, all I could see was a bright light above me. Nothing else. I wasn't under any anesthetic, just awake.
A women was doing something to my arm, and telling me to stay calm, and keep still and a nice, soft way. While this was happening I actually thought my own mum was trying to wake me!
I really started panicking, at this point something was opening my legs, and trying to insert something, and also trying to cut me open! I was trying my hardest to scream and lash out, but nothing would happen! I was stuck! I looked to my left, to see my mum standing there with a stern look on her face, and some one in a wheelchair whos face I couldn't see!
Then i felt people pin me down and spread my legs even further, telling me to shup up and stay still in a horrible and nasty way! I was so scared, but couldn't do anything! I couldnt see any of these people, exceot the bright light above me! I was in real agony, because at that time I was having real bad pains!

It was so horrible, and really terryfied me! I feel im to scared to go to sleep tonight! Yet im so tired!

I hope it was a one off! And no more nightmares are to return for a long time!